Untuned Rhapsody

I was doing the normal surfing around and it's been ages since I surfed Friendster. So I came across a hilarious Friendster bulletin which got me all cracked up. LOL

The Orang Panjang Contemporary Mat
Dictionary

Gua [goo-wah] noun – What some mats
and minahs use to call themselves.
Similar in using “lu” when referring
to others. A legacy that dates
back to the times of Mat Rocks back in
the early 80s.

A common trick that can be played on
Mats is to ask them to translate
the English phrase “Monkey Cave” into
Malay. The mat will then say
“Gua Monyet” (I'm a monkey).

Mat [mat] noun – To the rest of the
world, the word simply means a
Malay guy. But within the Malay
community itself there is a growing
disparity in consensus to its actual
meaning. Popularly, it's used to
denote a guy who converses primarily
in Malay, as opposed to the more
“English speaking” types. Favourites
of the mats include tapered
jeans, trucker caps and weepy Malay
songs with sickeningly suicidal
lyrics.

Matrep [mat-rape] noun – An extreme
version of the mat. In addition to
the usual mat accessories, a matrep
will also come adorned with tattoos
and matching body-piercings in weird
corners of his body.

Minah [mee-nah] noun – An expression
used to denote a Malay female.
Derived from the popular Malay name,
Aminah, which used to be all the
rage some time ago. It was sort of
the “in-thing” to name your
daughter Aminah back in the 60s and
70s. In fact, legend has it that if
you go to Geylang Serai market and
shout “Hai Minah!” at least a
quarter of the makcik population there
is going to turn around and smile
at you.

Picit [pee-chet] adjective – When a
mat tells you to “picit” him, it
does not mean that he is trying to be
cheeky (or gay, if he is talking
to a fellow mat). It simply means that
the mat wants you to call him on
his mobile. What were you thinking?

Relaksuah [ree-lek-soo-wah] adjective –
Official slogan and life motto
of the mats and minahs.

Sial [see- yal ] noun / adjective – A
full stop in every mat's
sentence. Eg: “Tadi aku nampak
accident sial Rabak sial Aku tak bedek
sial Kesian sial” Translation: Just
now I saw an accident (full stop)
It was bad (full stop) I'm not kidding
(full stop) Poor guy (full stop)

In its purest form, “sial”
means “jinx” but mats have refined
the
art of using the word to include it at
the end of their every sentence.
Also comes in the more polite
form “siak” and “siul” for those
who
do not want to sound too crude.

Skank [s-kank] adjective - A favourite
weird-looking dance performed by
mats and minahs. Usually done at any
of the various gigs that mats and
minahs love to congregate at. At
times, you do detect evidence of
artistry in the dance but most of the
time they just look like they've
been possessed by the ghost of a
restless retard.

Sowie [soh-wee] adjective – An
expression of apology used by minahs.
Commonly used in SMS and instant
messaging. Actually they can just use
the word “sorry” like every normal
human being but minahs think that
it will make them sound extra cute to
deliberately talk that way.
Example : “I will be late. Sowie!”

Step [se-tep] adjective – To beguile,
dissimulate or impersonate
something or someone that they are
not. Also commonly used to describe a
fellow mat or minah who acts in an
arrogant manner. E.g.“Kau jangan nak
step tak tahu eh?” Translation: Don't
you dare feign innocence in this
matter. Can also be used as a gerund
e.g. “stepping”. See next entry.

Step Jambu [se-tep jam-boo] adjective -
What minahs do when they are
sitting alone in a train and a group
of mats walk in. It is a general
exercise where the minah “controls”
her facial muscles and posture in
a way that would make her look her
best. This would usually involve
looking incessantly at her handphone
for no particular reason.

Stoppit [setop-eet] adjective – A
general expression of intolerance and
dismay. When a minah uses this phrase,
be very careful for it signals
that she is about to lose her cool or
get very violent.

Talk about English illiterates (sial) LOL! Whoever is the crazy ass who came up with this, credits to you dude/dudette (sial) Haha (sial)

My favourite has got to be the skank one.

"most of the time they just look like they've been possessed by the ghost of a restless retard"

LOL!